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Przemoc psychiczna

aniolekdiabelek | 29 Lipiec, 2008 21:42

Przemoc psychiczna to wywieranie wpływu na proces myślowy, zachowanie lub stan fizyczny osoby bez jej przyzwolenia przy użyciu środków komunikacji interpersonalnej.

Typowymi środkami przemocy psychicznej są groźba, inwektywa i molestowanie psychiczne.

Przemoc w związku dwojga ludzi nie polega wyłącznie na wykorzystywaniu fizycznej przewagi jednej ze stron w celu zniewolenia, molestowania seksualnego i bicia partnera/partnerki, lecz także na psychicznym znęcaniu się nad nim/nią, lżeniu i urąganiu jego/jej godności osobistej. W przypadku, gdy partner/partnerka posuwa się tylko do tego drugiego rodzaju przemocy, jego/jej ofiara często sama nie jest pewna, czy ten typ zachowanie mieści się w granicach normy burzliwych związków, czy może je przekracza. Wątpliwości wykorzystywanej w związku strony są tym większe, że jej/jego partner/ka potrafi być czarujący/a, troskliwy/a i uprzejmy/a, aż do czasu niekontrolowanego wybuchu złości, za który winą obarcza właśnie ją/jego, maltretowany przez siebie obiekt.

Jak rozpoznać osobę, która wykorzystuje emocjonalnie partnera? Szukaj raczej schematów postępowania, których celem jest kontrola, ograniczenie swobody, w tym podejmowania ważnych wyborów życiowych i sponiewieranie swojej/go towarzyszki/towarzysza życia, niż pojedynczych przypadków zachowań.

Zachowania, które kwalifikują się jako akty przemocy psychologicznej dzieli się na następujące kategorie:

  1. Destrukcyjna krytyka i werbalna agresja: przedrzeźnianie, krzyk, oskarżanie, obrzucanie wyzwiskami
  2. Taktyki wywierania presji: zabieranie dzieci, pieniędzy, kluczy, samochodu, wyłączanie telefonu, rozpowiadanie fałszywych informacji na temat partnerki/partnera
  3. Okazywanie pogardy: lekceważenie, poniżanie przy obcych ludziach, przerywanie rozmów telefonicznych, brak szacunku dla pracy, wysiłków i opinii partnerki/partnera
  4. Izolowanie: kontrolowanie lub blokowanie rozmów telefonicznych, narzucanie swojej woli w sprawie, gdzie partnerka/partner wychodzi i z kim się spotyka, utrudnianie kontaktów z rodziną i przyjaciółmi
  5. Prześladowanie: śledzenie, stałe weryfikowanie, czy partnerka/partner mówi prawdę, zaglądanie do jej/jego korespondencji, publiczne zawstydzanie partnerki/partnera
  6. Grożenie: wykonywanie grożących gestów, niszczenie osobistych przedmiotów ofiary, rzucanie tym, co „się nawinie pod rękę”, kopanie w ściany, wymachiwanie nożem, onieśmielanie swoją siłą, straszenie użyciem przemocy fizycznej
  7. Zaprzeczenie: oskarżanie partnerki/partnera o to, że sprowokowała/sprowokował przemoc, publicznie odgrywanie kogoś sympatycznego, pomocnego, delikatnego, szarmanckiego, płacz i błagania o przebaczenie, wzbudzanie litości dla siebie.

Osoby o silnych skłonnościach do wykorzystywania i znęcania się nad innymi najpewniej można wskazać na podstawie ich poprzednich związków. Jeśli stosowały w nich przemoc emocjonalną, nie inaczej będą się zachowywać w związku z tobą. Nie popełniaj błędu myślenia, że „ze mną będzie inny/inna, to była jej/jego wina” – właśnie do takiej wersji będzie cię przekonywał/przekonywała „emocjonalny/a sadysta/sadystka”. Osobnicy, którzy wykorzystywali psychicznie i fizycznie swojego partnera, prawie bez wyjątku, twierdzą i nierzadko głęboko w to wierzą, że to oni byli ofiarą w ich związku.

Inne cechy i skutki zachowania osoby, która w związku dopuszcza się terroru psychicznego:

  • Twój partner/partnerkaka traci panowanie nad sobą z błahych powodów
  • Obsesyjnie podejrzewa cię o zdradę lub chęć zdradzenia go/jej
  • Ma bardzo sztywne poglądy na to, co przystoi kobiecie/mężczyźnie, a co nie i nie możesz z nim/nią racjonalnie na ten temat dyskutować.
  • W waszym związku wszystko jest podporządkowane nastrojom twojego partnera/partnerki do tego stopnia, że pozostajesz ciągle czujna/czujny, starasz się odgadywać jego/jej oczekiwania.
  • Nic nie jest mniej pewne niż jego/jej humor. W jednej minucie czuły/czuła, w drugiej okrutny/okrutna.
  • Nie znosi, gdy pragniesz prowadzić jakąś część życia towarzyskiego bez niego/niej.
  • Mówi ci, jak się masz ubierać, z kim się masz przestać przyjaźnić, stara się kontrolować sfery „autonomiczne” twojego życia.
  • Boisz się go/jej, zrobisz wiele, właściwie prawie wszystko, by tylko się nie zdenerwował/zdenerwowała.
  • Pod wpływem jego/jej złości i gróźb zmieniłaś/eś wiele rzeczy w swoim życiu, z wielu zrezygnowałaś/eś, żeby go/jej nie „prowokować”.
  • Poza popychaniem i szturchaniem, stosuje inne metody zgnębienia cię: używa wyzwisk pod twoim adresem, długo się do ciebie nie odzywa, grozi ci.
  • Gdy mówisz, że jesteś zdecydowana/zdecydowany odejść, nie waha się sięgnąć po ostateczne argumenty; straszy cię, że się zabije, że będziesz go/ją miała/miał na sumieniu...

Jeżeli dwa lub więcej z powyższych punktów pasują do schematu zachowań twojego partnera/partnerki lub sytuacji, które mają miejsce w twoim związku, powinnaś/powinieneś porozmawiać o swoim problemie z zaufaną osobą, zwrócić się do psychologa z prośbą o dalsze wskazówki, jak postępować, skontaktować się z Ogólnopolskim Pogotowiem dla Ofiar Przemocy w Rodzinie „Niebieska Linia” bądź, jeśli sytuacja nie cierpi zwłoki, zadzwonić na komisariat policji.

 

 

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